Parent Management

Notice: This article was written by Steve Jordan, Coach's Notebook. Email the author at sjordan@alaskalife.net.

Introduction

Imagine the first encounter with your players' parents. Perhaps you have all gathered together at your house, at a classroom or maybe in the gym before the first practice. Everybody's forming, or about form, their first impressions. In fact, as you look around the room, you begin to classify the parents into stereotypes.

There is a small group of moms. One looks worried. She wonders if you're going to scream at her child all season like the last coach did. Another mom looks worried, too, but its about the amount of money the program will cost. One lady seems very interested in playing time policies - does she think her child isn't as good as the rest? Another mother told you as soon as she saw you that she would be willing to help. Bless her heart.

Some dads are in attendance, too. One coached some of your new players last year. Will he welcome that fact that your taking over or will he resent things that you teach differently? A dad offers to help run the practice, but you don't know him. Will he try to take the practice over? Will he try to teach different values? And then there are those that have never coached, but know all about basketball and can tell you everything that went wrong or wasn't taught. A couple fathers introduce themselves and just say thanks for giving their kids a chance to play. Bless their hearts.

Some parents aren't here. You may not see them all season. The rest are in attendance because they care about their kids. Meet them. Tell them positive things about their kids. Throughout the season, like after games, visit quickly with the parents and chat. Stay in touch. Let them talk to you.

The Number One Complaint Parents Have about Coaches

The number one complaint is about lack of communication. What is the game schedule? When and where are the practices? How do I get in touch with the coach and the administration?

You can head off all such questions by being prepared as soon as possible. Put a document in the parents' hands as soon as information is available. Provide an initial list that has the coaches' and players' names and phone numbers. This information should be used for ride sharing or conflict notification.

As soon as a schedule for practices and games is available, publish it to the parents. Do the same whenever changes occur. Create a one page document that can be attached to the refrigerator showing the above and any other pertinent items.

IMPORTANT! Call a meeting with the parents before the season starts, meet them and tell them what you plan to do.

The Plan

The fact is you can't really manage the parents, but you can manage their expectations. You can appear organized and enthusiastic. You can tell them your plans. Actually, just being able to show them a plan will make a good impression.

You'll need to put some thought into "The Plan". Here are some questions that might help:

What is the main reason your team exists? Just having fun? Serious competitor? Everyone needs to understand this basic objective as it will dictate how the team is run. If the objective isn't clear, you won't have much fun and you won't be very competitive.
What is the schedule of events? Are there practices? When do the games start? Is there a tournament? Are there trips planned?
How much will each parent need to pay? Is fund-raising planned? If so, be specific. Don't say, we might have a car wash or we might send out some sponsorship letters. Have the money information up front.
What are the rules that are most important to you? What will you do for discipline? What are the penalties (if any) for missing a practice?
What are the kids responsible for? Will they keep a playbook? What equipment do they need to purchase? What should they wear to practice? Is there a jewelry rule?
Do you have rules for parents? Are they allowed to be at practice? Are topics like "Playing Time" not to be discussed?
What are your policies about playing time? Does everyone play about the same? Are minutes earned in some way? How can a bench player earn more minutes?
Are there league rules about uniforms? Undershirts?
Are certain game actions not allowed, ie dunking, or pressing?
What if somebody needs a ride?
How will information be disseminated? Telephone tree? Web site?

Put the Parents on your Team

One thing to remember is that the parents have much in common with you. The most important commonality is the players. The parents want whatever they feel is best for their kids. You should want the same. If the parents care most about their children having an opportunity to play but the coach feels winning is so important that some players should not get in the game very much, there is trouble on the horizon.

The key to happiness is getting the parents on your side. If they back your policies, understand your plan and feel like you can pull it off, you are in pretty good shape. Then, for instance, if players require discipline, the parents are right there with you. If parents are not involved and informed in the beginning, chances are they will get involved when there is a problem, but on behalf of the player.

Tell the parents they are part of the team. After all, you really do need their help. And, once they are on board, they are more committed to the team goals. I like the old saying, "You can't rock the boat if you are too busy rowing!"

Here are some ways that parents can contribute:

Provide rides to games and practices
Provide snacks for the younger kids after games
Some parents like to help at practice (suitable for young teams, may be awkward with older teams)
Record keeping, ie shot charts
Scorekeeping or clock operation during games
Managing fund raising events. Offering sponsorship opportunities
Distribution and collection of uniforms
Publicity. There are places you can get a free website. Wouldn't it be cool to have game pictures and or stories on the internet? The kids love it.
Making a scrapbook. The year can be remembered with pictures and statistics if someone will compile the data. How about a video tape scrapbook?
Hosting a party at season end.
Acquiring trophies or certificates for players.
Helping with a non-basketball team event, like going out for pizza or to watch a sporting event.

How to Handle the Stereotypical Parents

Worried you're going to scream
Talk about how you prefer to motivate your players and what has worked for you in the past. If you are a critical coach that denigrates players, rethink your motivational technique. If you are a loud coach, keep it encouraging and instructional. Players deal with volume OK, but not humiliation.
Worried about the amount of money
Money can be a sore subject. Be as straightforward as you can about costs. If there is fundraising, be involved with the bookkeeping. Be able to account for monies raised and spent. Don't "scholarship" certain players. Be fair with financial help. If you have a sponsor (or partial sponsor), make sure the players all benefit to the same degree.
Interested in playing time policies
If this is a recreational, fun team, play everyone about equally. If it is a competitive situation, give every kid a chance to contribute in each game what they learned in practice. Explain your playing time policies clearly. Don't make promises you can't keep. Stay within playing time minimums (if any) specified by the league.
Just willing to help
Don't let this wonderful person get away. Express your appreciation and assign a suitable responsibility. Offer recognition when appropriate.
Former coach
Sometimes former coaches are critical, but often they are very helpful. Listen closely to their insights about the players. You may gain some important background and some basketball knowledge. If you are dealing with a critical former coach, take the time to talk alone and ask for suggestions. You don't need to follow them, but listen. You might learn something, but at the least you gave this person a chance to help. One way to get people on your side is to simply ask for their help in some way.
Practice Buttinski
Sometimes parents just decide to get involved at practice. Its a good bet they don't mean any harm or that they believe you are falling short. They just like the environment and want to be part of it. We are all kids inside and want to play. If a parents steps in, find out what they're presenting. If there is value in it, you may ask the parent to work with a couple players. Or, you may say that you want the kids to focus on another aspect of the game right now. In any case, appreciate the parent's interest. The worst case is to have a parent disagree or interfere. In that case, it may be necessary to assert your position as the coach, and say thanks, but we're going to go this direction instead. Many coaches won't tolerate parental involvement, but I feel differently. I just insist that we follow "The Plan".
Armchair point guards
Once in a while you get a clique of parents that nit-pick or criticize every little thing. You can't really stop them, but you can take the time to converse with them and give them a chance to offer opinions. If you know a specific complaint is out there, ask directly, "What do you think about...?" Listen, if they have anything to say.
The Blessed Thankful
Most parents fall in this class. They come to the games and they get their kids to practice. They appreciate your efforts. So, appreciate them in turn. When you see them, take a moment to say something nice, like how much you enjoy having their child on the team. These are folks you hope will stay with you as long as you coach.